Rejoice, for today is the day our favorite sexy, alcoholic dominatrix was born. @whiskeystilettos

 

 

I have noticed people genuinely asking why Rihanna stayed with her abuser. I have witnessed Rihanna accused of glorifying domestic violence. Even though I'm glad that publicity has brought this issue to the forefront, it irritates the fuck out of me when I read some of the comments.

A lot of people STILL blame the victims of domestic violence. I think we've gained traction regarding rape and victim blaming, but sometimes I feel we've gotten nowhere with the domestic violence issue. People still tell a girl if she stays, then she deserves it.

People don't understand it because they haven't been through it, so they don't empathize. Why would you stay with someone who beats the fuck out of you? Why wouldn't you leave?

 I am going to give you a short list to help you empathize.

#1 victims don't stop loving their abusers) Here's the thing, after someone beats the fuck out of you, YOU DON'T MAGICALLY STOP LOVING THEM. There's not a fucking light switch you turn on and off for love. That's not how emotions work. I'm sure it's degrading and demeaning to have your face look like a kicked in cantaloupe, but it doesn't suck what feelings away you had for that person.

#2 abusers can make it seem like the victim's fault) It's called gas lighting. From Wikipedia, "Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity." I know, it sounds fucking crazy like something you'd never fall for, but it happens often where you will doubt your own memory. It's easier than you think to make a victim believe it was their fault. An abuser can also use manipulative tactics to prevent you from calling the police, like, "You're going to be the one going to go to jail." This is very effective if the victim has drugs in her possession or does something else illegal. The victim might actually think it was his/her fault.

#3 victims are good victims!) It's not uncommon to be revictimized over and over again. Life situations can give an abuser advantage over a victim. It's a lot harder to leave someone if they control and make money. Some people have dispositions that unfortunately make them prone to revictimization. Circustances like poverty, a fucked up family, and drug abuse also make someone prone to revictimization.

#4 abusers make the victim's livelihood possible) Through financial resources, see above.

#5 they drain the victim's self esteem) It's not uncommon to have physical abuse accompanied with mental abuse. The victim is mentally beaten down enough to think he/she deserves the treatment so is willing to stay.

 

At any rate, STOP VICTIM BLAMING. You are providing victims with secondary revictimization when you do. I don't give a fuck if it's Rihanna, or your neighbor. Jesus fuck flkdjaoifdao;jflkafjldahfoiewjflkla/ Also, I would like to add, MEN CAN BE VICTIMS TOO AND IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY.

Quick exercise, shall we?

 

BE PISSED AT THIS:

 

DON'T BE PISSED AT THIS:

 

My life is like a bad Jerry Springer episode. By bad I mean it is not the type of episode you'd find naked strippers and sexy midgets in. My life is the episode where there's vomit sex and fat, toothless people wrestling in a tub of cheeseburgers.

 

I've come to accept my lot in life as a participant in a perpetual side show, so I bring you this touching story of today's events:

Back Story:  I decided to spend New Year's and Christmas with Anh because I wanted to strangle my family. Nothing unusual, but I needed a break from wanting to kick mi familia in the cara. (Spanish help provided by @lithium98. Translations as low as 5.99) He's usually pretty chill, waits on me hand and foot, and plays video games with me. Nothing really more I'd want in a hang out buddy.

 

Today: So we had been having a fairly good week of hanging out. We mostly sat around and played video games, I also made a dent in some of the books I downloaded. Everything was going a-okay until some unleashing OF PURE ANGER AND RAGE AND FURY AND HATRED AND ANGER AND ANGER FELL UPON MY SWEET, INNOCENT, BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, DELIGHTFUL SOUL.

 

But srsly, I didn't do shit. He just started fucking raving out of nowhere and I kept asking what was wrong.

SO THEN HE SO KINDLY REPAID MY CONCERN WITH A HOLSTER AND TWO PISTOLS.

Well oh shit, a fucking livid lunatic is going to shoot my ass. THIS IS IT GUIZ. I'm done fer. IT'S THE END OF ME!

Hello Newton, Conneticut children. I SHALL BECOME JUST ANOTHER AMONGST YOUR RANKS.

 

Because I'm a huge pussy My survival instincts kicked in and I ran down stairs away from the armed crazy. I proceeded to remove the door barricades (they live in a bad part of town.) so I could get out and maybe call the cops? Or maybe run. Or maybe get shot while I ran. FUCK I DON'T KNOW.

 

Anyway, so I finally removed the bar off the door and this his Mom put the bar back and trapped me back in.

WELL SONOFABITCH. I thought I was a goner until Anh eventually came out of his room and apologized profusely.

 

My Dad tried to encourage me to stay and go out and eat or something... IDK. Fuck that. I hate guns, I ain't getting shot! The kid owns AKs, think of how many pieces that would leave me in! D:

 

And that was my Christmas. I almost died. But kinda not, but kinda.

Also he gave me a 32GB Kindle Fire.

Almost got shot? Fuck it,

 

WORTH IT!

 

 THE END. (but not of me! SONOFABITCH)

 

 

Art by @Sasgal

Story by ShimmerBodyCream and Sasgal. feat. genderqueer pronouns.

 

 

Once upon a time there was a caveman named Timmy. Ze was too fabulous for hir own good so ze fashioned hot, sexy short skirts out of faux mammoth.

The cavemen and cavewomen were all very jealous of Timmy’s sassiness and rock hard abs so they planned to murder hir and steal hir skirt.

 

 

Timmy was forlorn upon hearing the plans via hir pet talking raptor. Ze spent all night in hir feather covered cave crying.

An angel from heaven suddenly manifested itself out of hir multicolored hula hoop. “Timmy, God has heard your cries of help. Speak to the T-Rexes tomorrow and you shall see that he has given you a special gift of interspecies communication. Be brave! Vanquish your enemies and show them no mercy!”

 

Timmy woke up the next morning thinking it was a dream. Ze wandered off from hir cave and was confronted by an angry mob of cavemen trying to steal hir faux mammoth skirt. Ze cried and dashed into the forest.

Ze ran into a pack of T-Rexes and was miraculously unafraid.

 

Ze mounted them and rode the leader of the pack into the area of hir enemies.

They all fled and threw themselves off of cliffs.

Timmy was left with the children to take care of and fashioned them all in faux mammoth and nurtured them into a tolerant community.

 

I have read 1,000 articles about the demise of the traditional man. In its place a new breed is arising, the "man-child" obsessed with video games, porn, non commitment, and few responsibilities.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/23/health/living-well/demise-of-guys/index.html

Okay, now apparently on the other team we have women lamenting ze fact ze menz aren't getting with the program.

WE WANT MARRIAGE, KIDS, AND MORTGAGES. OHMIGOD, INSEMINATE ME NOW.

And this is where womenz get real fucking stupid.

HAVE YOU EVER LIVED WITH SOMEONE? Cleaned their peepees off the toilet seat? SMELLED THE AFTERMATH OF CHINESE FOOD?

When you marry/live with someone you become their slave. Cooking, cleaning, sucking whatever they want you to suck. (TOES, PENISES, CLITORII)

Women, WOMEN STAHP. This marriage/commitment/live-in/breeding machine bullshit is a part of the secret plan of enslaving us and turning us into fucking workhorses. Studies show we do all the fucking child rearing, cleaning, AND work (for less money). The men have it right on this one. We should be playing video games and masturbating all day.

 

WOMEN, I ENVISION A DIFFERENT FUTURE FOR US. NO MORE MARRIAGE, CHILDREN, OR LIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

 

I ENVISION US ALL LIVING IN A LESBIAN COMMUNAL RELATIONSHIP.

 

WE WILL ALL HAVE HITACHI MAGIC WANDS.

 

 

WE WILL ALL HAVE GUN TITTIES

 

WE WILL ALL WATCH THE NOTEBOOK AND BAKE COOKIES TOGETHER

WE WILL ALL PLAY VIDEO GAMES IN OUR UNDERWEAR WHILE DOING EACH OTHERS HAIR

 

Break your engagements, your straightness, your bad "sleeping with men" habit and come join us!

 

All men who recruit women to the cause get to watch... also free pancakes every Friday.

 

 

 

Midwest Meetup  @thetheologianscafe

 

*me driving on the way to the restaurant*

Dan: I am super early

Nat: You’re there already?

Dan: I am in town
I am sitting at mcdonalds just off 55

Nat: Is this dan

Dan: Yes
Is this Nataly

Nat: Oh, haha you have a very distinctive style. I thiiiink I might be 10 min early. Get our midgets!!!!!

Dan: What is distinctive about my style?

Nat: You never use contractions.
And it’s terse. :p

Dan: Haha
I have been told that before
I will attempt to be less concise and more verbal.

Nat: Is mcdonalds fun? Recruit one of the workers to go drinking

Dan: Hmm
I wonder which one

Nat: The loosest one

Dan: Haha. She will be more fun for all of us
Maybe someone will show up at the xanga meet

Nat: I’m bringing an asian with me. Since it’ll be around half asian this is going to be an authentic meetup.

Dan: Is the asian a guy or a girl

Nat: Guy. Sorry. When he grows his hair long enough he looks like a girl. I should have brought his sister ohmigod she’s hot

Dan: Bring his sister
Is he a midget or full size?

Nat: Full size but midget to you and me. Feel free to toss him, he’s not squirmy.

Dan: Awesome. I especially love asian midget look-alikes

Nat: Midget strippers!!!

Dan: Will your friend give us an asian lookalike midget strip show?

Nat: Oh dear god. We’ll go blind and never be able to xanga. But yes!!

Dan: It will be worth it

Nat: Are you making a fort out of mcchickens

Dan: I am gone now
I am heading to the location

Nat: Are you texting and driving? That’s illegal in my state. Invite the cop to the meet.

Dan: I like to live dangerously.
Cop strippers!!!!!

Nat: YEEESSSSS. N free handcuffs!!!

Dan: We will rate the xangans via text like this during the xanga meet and talk about which ones we want to include in the orgy. Then we will post this on xanga.

Nat: Hahahaha. I dunno if this will work for me. I am so desperate right now ill give a ten to those with 3+ percent of their teeth.

Dan: We can’t always be picky
I have found they look even better after a few drinks

Nat: Sooo true. We can just take secret ass shots and let xangas comment democracy pic.

Dan: Good thinking
Low standards will come in handy if we are stuck with an asian lookalike midget

Nat: And alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

Dan: The greeter is eyeing me. I hope you like older women.

Nat: Most definitely. Pref tits above belly button age but beggars can’t be choosy

Dan: Maybe you should start drinking now before you see her

Nat: Both binh and Brenda are going to be late

Dan: I am pretty sure with the help of someone else they can be pushed above the bellybutton

Nat: I’ll take it!

Dan: Ok
I am pretty sure I know which waitress we will want

 

*We're in the restaurant, flapper_femme_fatale comes in*

Nat: We have the same type, I will guess!
Whoa tits! Yes to her definitely
Tits!!!
Titties!

Dan: The first to touch them wins

Nat: I’m glad I wore sunglasses the staring won’t be as obvious
I’d do the waitress

Dan: Does a brush touch count or does it have to be a two hand grab?

Nat: A lick wins it

Dan: Maybe we can get the waitress to come with
Can you sense the sexual tension between the two Asians?

Nat: And the lady who showed us to our seats

Dan: Stop pretending you are listening to what she is saying

Nat: Haha I am I am!

Dan: If we get them and take the pie with it, we both win
She has pretty eyes
But you are not looking at them

Nat: Dan I am just as pure as you are. I don’t know what you are talking about.

Dan: If you are pure like me then you know what I am talking about.
Are you sure your back is up to this

Nat: I hope she is a top. My back is killing me

Dan: I am sure she is flexible

*On the way to get boozes then hang out*

Dan: Ok if there is no alcohol at this exit we will orgy sober

Nat: You mean you guys will orgy sober. I got pills!!!

Dan: Take off your jacket to get it started
You are going to have to kiss someone

Nat: Which one is herpes free and takes it in the butt

Dan: You never know until the results come back
Kiss her

Okay, so SlackerSociety does his dating rants... I need to do one too. =/ I'm lame, this is lame. I have been down in the dumps lately. I've tried dating, but guess what? Everyone around here is straight. When I do message gay girls they never message me back! I know I'm not a perfect 10, but I don't think I'm super ugly either.

Sometimes I think I will never find a girlfriend, or find love for that matter. I'm so proud of my brother. He is in his 20s, has a degree in physics and aeronautical/astronautical engineering, has a 6 figure income, and just fell in love with this beautiful Colombian woman. It makes me so fucking jealous. I hear my Dad and him talk down to women and say misogynistic things, and yet my brother can get a beautiful girl but I can't? Don't get me wrong, my brother is awesome, I don't know. No, I do know. I am going to murder him then steal his girlfriend.

I spent last weekend with my ex and his sister. Again, it makes me so fucking jealous that this beautiful woman (his sister) is stuck with such a shitty husband. *no offense* He tells her she is fat, etc. She is absolutely stunning. How the fuck do these ugly douchebags end up with these beautiful women but I can't get a girlfriend? I don't fucking get it. Plus this guy is really ugly too. (not that I'm shallow...)

Sometimes I think I will never find true love, or a girlfriend. It seems like lesbians are looking for casual sex or they are in a relationship looking for a threesome! Is there anyone out there that cares about LOVE and ROMANCE?

 

*sigh* I need to order Chinese food.

 

Midwest meetup will be in Dwight, IL which is only about 1 1/2 hours away from Chicago. It will be at Station 343. (A restaurant) You can use Mapquest.com for directions.

140 E Main St
Dwight, IL 60420

(815) 584-9343

Nov. 24th 6pm

Please comment/message me if you are coming.

 

@kkaayyyy @rachelbachel32 @flapper_femme_fatale @saintvi @nihaokeisha @binh_bong @ctartez @Billy_Austin714 @Sheegwa @godfatherofgreenbay @pinklace8691 @Hisdownazzchick @xxremmusxx @magistertom

TIME FOR A MEETUP

If you are in Illinois or Indiana let me know. @TheTheologiansCafe is coming through and we're going to set up a meetup the 24th. I need to know if there is any life in the Midwest. Please come. I am easy and so is Dan once we liquor him up.

Tell me if you're interested so we can best arrange a place.

Remember the old Lovelyish editor Jessica Misener? Apparently she won an award! lulz.

Link to article: http://www.nameitchangeit.org/pages/4576 

 

 

I will always love you Jessica and remember our times together. Fuck the haters.

The lovely post I wrote about her once upon a time.