December 12, 2012
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Why God loves Shemales
Art by @Sasgal
Story by ShimmerBodyCream and Sasgal. feat. genderqueer pronouns.
Once upon a time there was a caveman named Timmy. Ze was too fabulous for hir own good so ze fashioned hot, sexy short skirts out of faux mammoth.
The cavemen and cavewomen were all very jealous of Timmy’s sassiness and rock hard abs so they planned to murder hir and steal hir skirt.
Timmy was forlorn upon hearing the plans via hir pet talking raptor. Ze spent all night in hir feather covered cave crying.
An angel from heaven suddenly manifested itself out of hir multicolored hula hoop. “Timmy, God has heard your cries of help. Speak to the T-Rexes tomorrow and you shall see that he has given you a special gift of interspecies communication. Be brave! Vanquish your enemies and show them no mercy!”
Timmy woke up the next morning thinking it was a dream. Ze wandered off from hir cave and was confronted by an angry mob of cavemen trying to steal hir faux mammoth skirt. Ze cried and dashed into the forest.
Ze ran into a pack of T-Rexes and was miraculously unafraid.
Ze mounted them and rode the leader of the pack into the area of hir enemies.
They all fled and threw themselves off of cliffs.
Timmy was left with the children to take care of and fashioned them all in faux mammoth and nurtured them into a tolerant community.
Comments (79)
So when are you getting this published in thick, cardboard kids book form? I want to share it with my future children.
Personally, I'd like to make it a pop-up book, but I'm not sure we can cover the materials cost.
No words ...
Oh my... me oh my.
the illustrations are, well... I'm speechless @SasGal
it took me a minute to remember the pronouns bit, it all hit me at once though.
good times, good times.
@xXrEMmUsXx - Thanks! They're scented markers, so it's like scratch and sniff! The T-Rex is pine and the giant pee-pee is grape!
I was half expecting a fabulous disco club dance party when Timmy meets the sassy dinosaurs.
I read it 3 times. I am 79. My brain is tired and limited.
This was wild. lol
Shemale--I can't get past that. What is a shemale? lol
This was right before a meteor struck the earth and shemales (along with dinosaurs) went extinct for 15 thousand years. Good thing too, because they were almost about to invent porn and prescription drugs. Then there would have never been an agricultural revolution and, instead, many more works like these.
AND THIS BECOMES A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
That blonde one is a young me.
hahahah I love those illustrations
Lol...
It was hard to tell if it was a penis or a third leg.
@SasGal - Remember that time that spanish dude lied about using a condom?
BETTER THAN 50 SHADES OF GREY!!!
@RulerofMasons - Remember when you felt all bad about being a worthless asshole? It's not a hat.
@TheTheologiansCafe - That's why I drew the balls!
so God loves Shemales 'cuz they like to mount dinosaurs? He should have told them to talk to the pterodactyls. Flying shemales would have been badass.
OMG Shimmer I LOVE YOU so much for posting this. Shimmer FUCKING ROCKS!!!
O.o
Shimmer you LIED TO ME!!! You said you were not a good poster. You were just being humble because I have noticed by what you DON"T SAY that you are smart!!! You are one of the smartest girls on xanga even though you "act" silly. Quit bullshitting us and start telling us your philosophy we all want to hear it!!!
@LadyboyRevolution - GLAD YOU LIKED IT!
I cracked up way too hard at this.
OMFGGGG i cant stop laughing
What a ending. Did you know that they just proved that Lemmings do not throw themselves off a cliff? However we humans will be throwing ourselves off a financial cliff.
um..well..I mean, I think the dinosaurs look really cool. That's something.
God is a weird Mother Fer ins't he?
Oh, I was expecting something a little bit different than that... interesting graphics you have there. overall, I think that I would give you a rather high grade for your story if we were going off of the same grading system my English class is on. and that's bringing spelling, grammar and punctuation into the whole mix.
I like your creativity. it was honestly a funny story and I laughed as I read it.
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the only thing this post lacks is a comment from thecellofdougmoe
God bless shemales
Dans outa crayloloas again!
u have quite the imagination.
I love shemales especially skinny ones. they are wow! One boy with teddy bears blue short dress.
I'm glad to see Sassafrass and I share the same artistic strengths.
@Kellsbella - T-Rexes and Raptors?
@SasGal - We've got the Triceratops to a tee.
@Kellsbella - That's not all I got! Just wait!
It's a dang creationist story!
You are very creative. Is this all original artwork? Oh and perhaps a bit crazy. lol
It reminds me of Roald dahl's adult stories. "Kiss,kiss"
My layout is more colorful.
Oh ma'am/man.
If my six year old made that...
...if i had a 6 yr old...
That is the most fabulous stick figure penis I've ever seen.
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