Tuesday, 22 May 2012

  • Posted by ShimmerBodyCream

    Amateurprose - Deep Meaningful Poetry

    I'm a cool hipster poet in zebra socks now.

     

    Amateurprose


    Your ass is like a patch of thorny roses

    covered, as I part it like Moses

     

    In goes the pickle

    Inside you I tickle

     

    It was fun, it was grand

    The night I made you a man

     

    I bit off your left nipple

    Instead of four now you only have triple

     

    My penis was hard

    as I stirred your pot filled with swiss chard

     

    you made me holla

    I paid you a dolla

     

    word.

     

     

     

     

Sunday, 20 May 2012

  • Posted by ShimmerBodyCream

    ARE THEY FUCKING STRAIGHT YET

    Sorry, I got bored... and tired.

     

    FUCK YOU BRAAAAAACES.

    They should be off next month. Actually they were supposed to be off like a year ago but I never wear them.











     

    My belly dance top. I should wear it some day. OR JUST KEEP IT IN MY CLOSET I DON'T KNOW.

     

     

    I NEED SLEEP

     

    OH YEAH HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARSTEN, WOOT!! @ctaretz

     

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Friday, 11 May 2012

  • Posted by ShimmerBodyCream

    Warning: GRAPHIC - True Love!

    I put this at a C rating, if it needs a D or more let me know.

     

    So anyway, I have this disgusting ear mole. I've had other moles cut off by my dermatologist but I wanted to get rid of this one because I'm going on a trip soon. And let's face it, this thing is gross! When I did have my dermatologist remove my other moles he didn't even cut the whole mole off and I STILL have moles because of his incompetence.

    I asked @themushypear if he though it was gross. He said yes it was... (I appreciate his honesty) SO NO WAY WAS I KEEPING IT. I CUT OFF MY BODY PART OUT OF LOVE!!

    So I decided to shave off my nasty little mole with a razor. I cut the remaining pieces off with my cuticle scissors. I'm proud of myself because I did a much better job than my stupid dermatologist did!

     

    Behold, my uggers ear mole in all it's glory!

    Mid surgery. I am taking a razor to it. The same razor I use to cut off my callouses. MMM appetizing.

    Here you can see I have it half lopped off.

    Now it is gone!!

     

     

     Prescription strength antibiotic ointment (from previous professional mole removal), bloody paper towel, razor I used, plastic bag with my mole in it. The only thing I didn't add was the cuticle scissors I used to finish it off.

     

     

    It was hilarious because after he told me it was gross I told him I was going to cut it off. He freaked out and kept calling my phone trying to tell me NO DON'T DO IT, IT'S CUTE! LOLOL

    TL;DR @themushypear gave me his honest opinion, performed surgery on myself, ear mole is gone!! 

    And that's true love, cutting off your disgusting ear mole for someone. Ha ha.

     

     

Thursday, 10 May 2012

  • Posted by ShimmerBodyCream

    How to find the perfect relationship

    HI IT'S ME, THE RELATIONSHIP GURU. I FIGURED OUT THE FORMULA FOR A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP THROUGH MY SCIENTIFICAL METHODS.

     

     

    Women, ask a potential suitor the following. Any no's, give them the boot.

     

    Do you know where the clit is?

    Are you willing to play with it for more than an hour a day?

    If you stick your penis in any of my orifices are you going to still touch my clit?

    If I'm sad, will you touch my clit?

    If I'm happy, will you touch my clit?

    If I get fat and have bad gas, will you touch my clit?

    If I fart on your face while you're going down on me, will you keep going?

     

     

    Men, do the above.

    Ask the women the following, if they say no, its BYE BYE BITCH.

     

    Do you suck dick?

    Do you swallow?

    Do you cook?

    If I had dingle berries and diarrhea would you still finger my ass?

    If I was 500lbs could I still be on top?

    Would you lick my ass?

    Can I play video games and jerk to porn whenever I want?

     

     

    HOPE THIS HELPS BYE

     

ShimmerBodyCream

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    • Name: ShimmerBodyCream
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    • Birthday: 8/21/1988
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 8/5/2009
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