June 16, 2013

• Celebrating Phallic Diversity (WARNING: PENIS)

   

  HERE IT IS, A CELEBRATION OF COCKS RIGHT IN TIME FOR FATHER'S DAY. Where would we all be without cocks? Not here. 

  Penis Poetry

  Some cocks are little,

  some cocks are long,

  some cocks are dark,

  some have a white schlong.

   

  DICKS CURVED AND STRAIGHT,

  WE LOVE YOU HOW YOU ARE.

  IN A WORLD FULL OF PENISES

  YOU'RE A BRIGHT SHINY DICK-STAR

   

  Oh penises, you are great. You can sword fight each other and burrow into all of our love tunnels. How we worship your bright shiny heads and little testicle friends. 

  

   

  Penis Party

   

  

   

    

  Penii Confidence 

  I have a lot of guy friends, and I have learned that it doesn't matter if a guy has a fat foot long, most guys are worried about their weenies. Well that's okay, your weenie is fine how it is. Cut, un-cut, long, short, fat - your weenie is a special weenie. A special little snowflake that makes your hands all sticky. In the words of the porn star and MENSA member Asia Carrera, "You can reach my G-spot just fine with your finger, so anything else is redundant!"

   

  You may be thinking, "but Shimmer what if some ho doesn't like my PENIS?"

  Mushroom stamp her(or him), take a picture, add it to a Facebook album, and then kick the dumb bitch out. PROBLEM SOLVED. You don't want to be around bitches who think your caviar penis is some McDonald's shit meal, do you? You want a cock connoisseur. Someone who will dress your dick up and talk to it, or at least eat it and not bitch about it.

  PROTIP: PEOPLE CAN'T COMPLAIN WITH COCKS IN THEIR MOUTHS

  Ok Shimmer, then why do some women/men think huge monster dicks are the best? Why are there "size queens?"

  Because society tells us huge dicks are the best and people are gullible as fuck. Want an example?:

   

  Yes, those dumb fucks are tasting the EXACT same product and they are convinced one actually tastes better than the other because someone told them it does. So would it surprise you that somebody prefers a cock society idolizes?

  Any sexpert will tell you great sex basically has nothing to do with cock, and everything to do with communication. ASK LESBOS.

   

  Penis Exercise

  No, I don't mean cock push-ups. I want you to do something. I want you to imagine a blackboard and think of 1-3 negative things about your penis. Maybe you think it smells like rotted cabbage, maybe you think it's too little. That's ok. Now write it down on the blackboard in your head.

  NOW ERASE THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND REPLACE THEM WITH THREE POSITIVE ONES. Isn't your penis pretty? Does it taste good? MAYBE IT'S NICE AND SMOOTH. Now write those on the blackboard.

  Don't you just feel fantastic? Maybe you should put a little perfume on your hoo hoo dilly and make it dance. Don't you feel great having a little dick friend?

   

  In Conclusion

  Catch me on Alex's blogtalk radio and tell me about your cock. http://lithium98.xanga.com/773891043/on-the-road-less-taken/  Happy Father's Day

  WOW, COOL.

   

  HAVE A NICE DAY

  • 5:17 pm
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